In Our Grief
This post was original published in response to the Covid-19 pandemic.
This past year has been full of loss for us. Not just one experience, but many losses, over and over. Individually and as a nation we were shifted into the stunning necessity of change and confronted by a view of systems that were not working well. My heart was grieved and grew silent under the weight of the descending pandemic, divisions and injustices, and seemingly endless loss and change.
Grief comes in many forms and initiates a myriad of reactions within us. The loss of a loved one, an unwelcome change in our environment, destruction of things we thought provided security. All of it can shatter the heart and send us furiously searching for a way to feel put back together. When we are able to listen to the broken heartedness created by grief, we may begin to hear messages that can help us heal. Through the experience of grief, we may discover a path that leads us to understand our pain and bring meaning to our experiences.
All of it is necessary. All of it is good. What is most important is that we acknowledge grief, allow the felt sense of it, and discover ways to move through it, bringing understanding to the shifting landscapes of our life. With compassionate awareness and expression, what has been lost to us can create new pathways of being and doing.
Over the past year and a half, grief split my heart wide open and led me to take pause. I took time to stop doing things as usual, was deliberate to reflect, slow down, and question my contributions to the world, both positive and negative. Through meditation, writing, and exploring with trusted others, I was humbled to see the profound need for change, revealed by loss. Working with these messages of grief allowed me to come home to myself. I speak more truth, spend more time for causes that have meaning for me, and changed and strengthened my focus as a therapist.
One of my favorite authors, Colette Baron-Reid, writes, “ …Let this pain, this dissonance, this loss serve as a way back to Source. Let your sorrow break your heart wide open and you will never be left behind.”
How are you reflecting on the past year and the grief you may have encountered?
I offer a few thoughts for guiding you through your own process:
Be deliberate: Set aside time to consider how you are moving through any grief. Put it on your schedule and allow for a brief and set amount of time that feels validating.
Take a walk or journal to explore, “What have I learned since I lost my loved one, job, health, (reflect on what is relevant to you here). When the mind wanders or you feel distracted, just start the question again.
Start a conversation with a trusted other or find a support group that resonates with your values.
Seek the guidance of a therapist, clergy or trusted guide to parse out meaning from your experiences.
There is hope. There is help. Here at the Center for Vitality and Balance, we hold ground and create safe spaces to help you heal, grow and become. In your grief, know that you are not alone.